Postpartum: Marjaneh
I recently met with Marjaneh to talk about her postpartum experience as she welcomed her fifth baby into the family. She wanted to share her experience to help normalize the vast differences we can all experience during postpartum. Life can throw us a lot of curveballs but Marjaneh has been able to find the beauty in the unexpected!
Tell me the story of your babe's journey into the world.
To be completely honest, I had a lot of sadness around this pregnancy. It was definitely unplanned and I felt alone and unsupported through my pregnancy. I spent the majority of it in denial. When I finally came to accept things, I was in my third trimester. I spent my nights in bed talking with him, letting him know he was wanted and loved. I’d tell him we were in this together. And that I was so excited to meet him. When it came time to bring him earth side, I got to labor him at the birth center, just me and him. It was scarey and empowering. I’ll never forget the moment we met.
What are you most excited about?
It excites me to continue to learn about him, and see him grow. I also am excited to see how him and all his siblings will interact together as they grow. Each one is so unique but they fit together perfectly.
What are you anxious about?
Like most new moms, I worry the most about my children’s health. I also worry if I’m enough, and if I’m doing enough. Do I say I love you enough? Am I holding him enough? Am I setting him up to be a kind human? Those types of things flood my brain.
What activities cause you to feel really present or connected?
Most of our days are filled with routine. So our mornings and evenings we are always together. Any night we are home, and weather permitting, we spend outside. I feel the most present when we all are doing something together. I love to see their excitement as they explore the world.
Eliseo’s ornery grin, gah! It’s getting me now just thinking about it. Esmeralda’s excitement when she’s playing. She’s always had such the imagination and it’s beautiful to watch her when she doesn’t know I’m watching. Elsa’s big round eyes when she’s telling me something serious - usually ratting on her siblings. But man, do her eyes slay me. Emiliano’s sensitivity and his laugh! He feels so hard and it absolutely melts my heart. Elvis just holding him on my chest while he sleeps. That’s honestly the best it gets when they’re a newborn. Laying on their empty old home.
What parts of your parenting are you proud of and what parts are hard for you?
I’m proud that when I see my kids I see happy kids. That gives me a sense of pride that I’m doing *something* right. The hardest part for me is to be positive around them when I’m physically and mentally exhausted. Single mommin’ is HARD, I’m not going to lie.
Overall there’s just so many emotions and it’s all really hard. At the end of the day I just hope that I’ve done a good enough job and hope the next day I try a little harder. Most the time I feel like I’m in some autopilot survival mode. I hope that one day I’ll look back and be able to remember through all the chaos, sleepless nights, and pure exhaustion, that my house was filled with lots of love.